Above all, know thyself. No, its not the biblical term for masturbation. I mean the apparent phenomenon that many people don't actually know themselves well enough to anticipate their own reactions to any number of random stimuli. Or worse, the same stimuli under different circumstances. Yes, I run into this on a near-daily basis. I even have a helpful reverse-idiom of sorts at the ready for times I encounter it. Its my get out of jail free card. I ask more or less, "Is my request the first of its nature?" I ask it to anyone who's job it is to perform a very specific function, yet who appear genuinely surprised ^* when its my turn to ask it of them.


The Judeo-Christian systems of belief would have you believe that the meek are going to inherit the earth. Not meek as its defined now, as it was. To mean gentle, yielding. As in turning oneself over to the service of the Lord and not fighting against His Will (Thy Will be done). I've sat through many a sermon agonizing over and studying the original Hebrew dialect in order to gain understanding of the word choice first used by King David in Psalms and later by Christ in Matthew. After all, who doesn't want to inherit the earth?


Unsurprisingly, I feel differently. Not that I don't want to inherit the earth - I do, but that I alone shall inherit it. At least, myself and those of my ilk. For its not the meek who will do so, rather the open-minded; those who can integrate new information into their belief system and exceed the limitations of their programming. The funny thing about close-mindedness as an ethos is that it has a way of proving itself ineffective through active rejection of newly discovered knowledge. So if the close-minded can claim that they shall inherit the earth through close-mindedness, I can certainly claim otherwise - and I have a whole lot more confidence in the unprejudiced, unbigoted, and impartial than the millions of monotheists out there who would disagree with me. Close-mindedness just seems like such a dead-end way of life despite their unsubstantiated claims to the contrary.


I personally learn through a process of doing - hands on experimentation. Succeeding and failing both. If the outcome is not as expected, I change a variable and try again. Some people give up entirely upon their first failure and see any further attempts as fruitless defeatism. Others try and try again, but miss completely the learning portion of the lesson by refusing to change any variables. In this case, I feel that I am with what I have presumed is the majority - those who persevere no matter their ideology, and that I can at least respect.


Changing, growing, can be as difficult as attempting to define something as elusive as love. Some make lists of things they do which prove love, or have ideas about another's actions which would run contrary to that list, thus disprove it - after all, we all see the world differently. Myself? I only know the depth of my feelings of affection and devotion - without lists. The moment I've written it down it runs the risk of limiting me - slowing me down from experiencing something which may greatly add to my exposure. Lists can get confining fast, and most of us aren't into limiting our expressions of love, but growing them - exceeding both the expectations of others, and expectations of self. Think Old Testament versus New Testament. In the former "works" were required for blessings, in the latter only Grace.


And speaking of sweeping theological changes, ever since Christ said so then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot I will spue thee out of my mouth, I've been walking the narrow path between two camps of hotheads everywhere I go. No matter what the subject of conversation is, NO ONE WANTS TO BE SPEWED FROM JESUS' MOUTH. They therefore run full hot, or full cold, under the assumption that one is more important than the other, never bothering to question why, and only seeking council and advice from like-minded folk which is nothing more than egotistical validation. These people are incapable of feeling shame, replacing it with pride and calling it humility. How can I combat that?


I was a teenager when my mother explained to me that I needed to get to know myself. I thought she was an idiot - I was me for goodness sake - how could I not know me? Of course I discovered what she meant during the months I spent in near-isolation the first time I left home. 5,130 miles from home to be precise. And have since learned that there are other activities in which to acquaint yourself with...yourself. The same tools used in character-building can also illuminate autognosis if you allow it, as its something which requires nurturing. And despite my own series of scenarios of how I would behave in any series of circumstances, even I'm surprised by my own emotional reactions at times. Except that by adding that knowledge to my data-set then helps me in anticipating it in future outcomes, thus strengthening my armament for dealing with whatever life throws at me. Perfect? No. Better than being continually (and more often than not negatively) surprised by life? Absolutely.


I told a young man once what my father told me when I was a young man, "The severe polarity you feel righteously about is common amongst youth. As you grow, learn, experience and mature, you'll start to question everything. And when you do, you'll find you become more moderate in your views as you discover the truth, which always lies somewhere in the middle." I explained to this young man that my father's words were true because it was just as I had experienced it, and I wanted him to experience it as well. This freedom from a lifetime of ignorance. The youth said I was stupid for being so weak to turn away from [whatever the ideological conversation was at the time].


So go forth and be meek. Or not. Run hot and cold. It doesn't matter, you're not going to inherit the earth. I am. I will outlast you. I will try and fail and learn and succeed. My dizzying array of hands-on empirical activities will trump your hibernation because I am infinitely flexible. Entropy destroys that which is unchanging - like those principles you put so much stock into - but has a difficult time feeding from that which grows and I am on a path of personal growth. I'll get mine in the end, and this is why.

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The time draws near when I will once again unzip my Eric suit^* and shrug out of it to dally; to pull the skeletons from my closet and polish them for playtime; to swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Each seemingly meaningless passing milisecond compounds with many others to create entire whole seconds which then gather up together amongst themselves in multitude before exploding into a full minute - the pressure exerting on the pistons of life, forcing the crankshaft of time to turn slightly. The clock ticks once again. Precious distance covered as the minute hand sweeps over the landscape, turning the present into the past in the blink of an eye. A lifetime stretches in both directions laid before you and behind you. Time is an engine fueled by an inexhaustable supply of hopes and dreams and happiness, spewing out toxic byproducts of grief and anger and hatred.

Too many place their lips around the hot pipe of exhaust in a debasing show of ingratitude, attempting to suck life everlasting from the cock of mankind, not caring if death rises in its stead. They cling too tightly to their convictions - their untested, unproven, unchallenged morals which are blindly followed. This! This is the definition of close-minded, one who sticks to their principles. One must absolutely be able to prove to themselves before they can prove to others why they believe what it is they believe, and without the understanding that the knowledge they process is colored through expereinces which modify their interpreation of information, they are doomed to ingest those byproducts which metabolize into confusion and unhappiness. Unsuck, and challenge first yourself! Marvel at what you discover, and put it into practice forthwith. Give back to those who have given you so much through their patience and understanding, and judge not those who have yet to accept knowledge as their personal Board of Behavior.

The time draws near when I will step out of my Eric suit and leave its crumpled facade laying at my feet. I will stretch forth my arms as if I were a mighty bird and flex the tight muscles of my back, tight with the burden of responsibility, tight with righteousness. Tight with the oppressivness of accountability. And like the phoenix, I shall rise and roar. A mighty roar of cleansing fire. Expelled from reborn lungs. And when all is quiet I will turn my back on the world and rechallenge my own convictions in alphabetical order; immerse myself in them wholly; drink them in with all my senses and roll them around my tongue.

The purgatory I create for myself when I turn from these Earthly desires, these...urges - I live a blameless life of virtue without sin nor vice - is sustainable excepting a single season, for its cost is high and the piper's payment nips at my heels annually. If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? If I hide my visage from the known world and frolic with angles for a time, are the sounds I will invariably make be heard?

I have a date with myself. A veritable lustfest planned. I'm going to focus on me for just a little while, and deny myself nothing. When I emerge in 2011, I'll be filled with the glory, majesty, power and authority before all ages, now and forevermore to once again regain my throne and take care of those I have been given dominion over to the best of my ability, without regret.

Where's my wine?