Responsibility

[ehowton]

On the recommendation of one of my readers here, I watched The Weatherman with Nicolas Cage and Michael Caine. There were a lot of close ups of Nicolas Cage's face as he attempted to emote, and Michael Caine's role was almost non-existent. Only Drew Barrymore's visage on the cover of Scream was more misleading.

The Weatherman is one of those movies created for people who have no life, to be able, if only for an hour or so, to experience one. It is not a movie for those of us who have a wife, children, a job, a mortgage, two car payments, life insurance, living parents, etc. We LIVE the things daily that movies like this one try to recreate for those of you who don't. Movies like this do not entertain me because when I take time out of 'real life' to watch something like that, all I'm seeing is more 'real life.' And I'll tell you something I learned a long time ago - I'm far more entertaining than most everyone else I interact with. Most people are mopey, dull, uninteresting flotsam. They live their entire lives striving for something they never reach. Nicolas Cage's character in The Weatherman was similarly portrayed.

When photogoot and I were rooming together in the service, acquaintances were often bringing us people who had no personality, so that we could inspire them. I am not making this up! Like an orphanage, the doorbell would ring and we'd answer it only to find someone's personality-deficient friend on the doorstep, staring up at us with dewy eyes. YOU CANNOT INSPIRE SOMEONE WHO LACKS SELF-MOTIVATION.

Recently, I've been reminded of my own responsibilities. They are to my family, and my family alone. While I certainly enjoy you all in your different ways, and relish in the interaction we have here, your emotional well-being is not my responsibility. Lately, my wife has felt cheated, as if my time were stolen away from her with all the phone calls, emails, text messages and instant messages. Those of you who are beholden to another know and understand the look. I get the look every single time my phone makes a noise. Perhaps its because I've been off all week that I see it too?

Its been a hard week to get a hold of me. And since we're on the subject of prioritizing things in my life, a really poor example of a voice mail is one which states simply, "Call me."

I appreciate both your understanding and support. But if I can't have both, your support will suffice.

Taking care of you is causing me difficulty in being able to tend to those who see after me. And if I can't take care of myself, I will not be able to assist you. Turn my back on you? Not yet. We're not at that point. And as odd as this sounds, crowy put it best when she stated, "There is a difference between a problem and just plain drama. Problem: you had a bad day and need someone to talk to. Drama: every fucking day is a bad day..."

Bravo.

I've canceled all my public appearances for the rest of the month and am looking forward to a nice, quiet New Year's at home with those who matter the most to me. My family.

I wish all of you the most fantastic New Year you've ever experienced.

Comments

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

I've been really putting some thought into what you said. And depending on the amount of entropy involved - it takes a great expenditure of energy to resist what nature whats to seek out as a regular balance.

I've seen people burn so much energy - pushing against the tide... and going nowhere.

One needs to harness all their energy, power, and focus those into the thoughts needed to find their own way across the universe.

I know it's ok to spend some energy going down one road - trying to reach the final destination. However, if one discovers they've taken the wrong road (journey), there is always a byway to get back onto the main highway of life and keep going in the needed direction. And not all wrong roads are a waste of energy. For as much as one takes a side road away from the main highway, at least they made some distance toward their goal. They just need simply to take a back road that leads them back to where they need to be. The journey is therefore not wasted - but new roads are discovered in the process, and who knows? Maybe the wrong road might just turn out to be a secret shortcut? I know there are plenty around here that nobody knows about. We travel them because there is less traffic involved - therefore, we don't burn as much energy by taking the main road - but we still get to our destination more quickly and with better efficiency.

As for turning on the light - yeah, well... I've had my light go out and I've seen the darkness. It's frightening for me, my family, and friends. So, I need my light to be a constant beacon not only for myself, but for those who love me - I'm a lighthouse guarding against dangerous reefs that might wreck their own ship during their own journey. It makes me feel good to be such a beacon. And, for my own good - I need to keep the light on... for without a light to guide us, the darkness becomes chaos - and that is a dangerous place to find oneself... lost in darkness.

Thank goodness for our other friends who also have the beacon turned on. It guides me as I guide them. At least - I hope they see it that way.

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

As I read & re-read what you have said here one word keeps coming into my mind.

Optimism

I think the gauge of a persons character is how one manages assaults to the natural optimism humans are endowed with.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

That is a good word. It speaks volumes about ones character - and persona.