Responsibility

[ehowton]

On the recommendation of one of my readers here, I watched The Weatherman with Nicolas Cage and Michael Caine. There were a lot of close ups of Nicolas Cage's face as he attempted to emote, and Michael Caine's role was almost non-existent. Only Drew Barrymore's visage on the cover of Scream was more misleading.

The Weatherman is one of those movies created for people who have no life, to be able, if only for an hour or so, to experience one. It is not a movie for those of us who have a wife, children, a job, a mortgage, two car payments, life insurance, living parents, etc. We LIVE the things daily that movies like this one try to recreate for those of you who don't. Movies like this do not entertain me because when I take time out of 'real life' to watch something like that, all I'm seeing is more 'real life.' And I'll tell you something I learned a long time ago - I'm far more entertaining than most everyone else I interact with. Most people are mopey, dull, uninteresting flotsam. They live their entire lives striving for something they never reach. Nicolas Cage's character in The Weatherman was similarly portrayed.

When photogoot and I were rooming together in the service, acquaintances were often bringing us people who had no personality, so that we could inspire them. I am not making this up! Like an orphanage, the doorbell would ring and we'd answer it only to find someone's personality-deficient friend on the doorstep, staring up at us with dewy eyes. YOU CANNOT INSPIRE SOMEONE WHO LACKS SELF-MOTIVATION.

Recently, I've been reminded of my own responsibilities. They are to my family, and my family alone. While I certainly enjoy you all in your different ways, and relish in the interaction we have here, your emotional well-being is not my responsibility. Lately, my wife has felt cheated, as if my time were stolen away from her with all the phone calls, emails, text messages and instant messages. Those of you who are beholden to another know and understand the look. I get the look every single time my phone makes a noise. Perhaps its because I've been off all week that I see it too?

Its been a hard week to get a hold of me. And since we're on the subject of prioritizing things in my life, a really poor example of a voice mail is one which states simply, "Call me."

I appreciate both your understanding and support. But if I can't have both, your support will suffice.

Taking care of you is causing me difficulty in being able to tend to those who see after me. And if I can't take care of myself, I will not be able to assist you. Turn my back on you? Not yet. We're not at that point. And as odd as this sounds, crowy put it best when she stated, "There is a difference between a problem and just plain drama. Problem: you had a bad day and need someone to talk to. Drama: every fucking day is a bad day..."

Bravo.

I've canceled all my public appearances for the rest of the month and am looking forward to a nice, quiet New Year's at home with those who matter the most to me. My family.

I wish all of you the most fantastic New Year you've ever experienced.

Comments

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

This sounds strangely familiar to a post I made quite a few moons ago. I can say that - "I truly understand."

YOU CANNOT INSPIRE SOMEONE WHO LACKS SELF-MOTIVATION.

I've mentioned this fact once or twice or perhaps more. This arena I understand so well - I don't want to be able to empathize. I too have had so many who want in my life because in some way - my happiness is like a magnet that I compare to a bright light for bugs. Because that is what the light I have seems to attract. Somebody extremely annoying that I just want to squash with a flyswatter.

Are we being too egotistical stating this? Do we think we are any better? It's a question I've had to ask myself, and I want to humble myself to not seem as though I am any better... I'm just happy!!

Being a happy person - it does have a specific glow that does attract many. And, in some cases - people outright just despise me - without even knowing me at all. They sum me up with one meeting - and like lightening, they start stabbing me in the back every chance they get. What did I do to offend or cause such despicable behavior!? They hate me because I can find joy wherever I go and whatever I'm doing. Are they just so pissed off that I should be miserable like them... and because I choose to be happy - I must be taken down... beaten into their miserable existence.

I'm totally in agreement with you here, my friend. I know not of many with whom I can share this blessing and curse... which it truly seems to be.

Enjoy your life - enjoy your wife! That's what I say to Lena... and I will admit, it does put a wonderful smile on her face when I say those words. She likes to feel as though she were the most special person in my life. And of course - she is, no doubt.

I know I'm not one who could possibly be a "bug" to your light. Actually, I think together - our lights shine even brighter and more brilliantly than alone. For that - it's always a pleasure to be in your company. You don't such the life out of me - and I don't you. We do give, but I know the giving is willful and it's a positive gain for the both of us.

It's nice to have an awesome friend who can recharge my batteries - not drain them.

Go forth my friend, enjoy your holiday with your beloved family. We plan to spend the last day of this year ALONE - just our nuclear family... the three of us. Well, we are all a little under the weather, so it's right that we don't want to go out and make our friends ill. I do have some friends that I would love to spend my time sharing the New Year - but we're going to be at home.

I've babbled just a bit, but I know you can extrapolate the true intent of this post. Sorry for rambling a bit - I just wanted to make my feelings clear.

I know I have done so. As always - it's been a pleasure.

-Your humble servant, and assured friend...

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

This! This is exactly what I like about LJ. It is so interesting and refreshing when someone can communicate an idea so clearly.

The following statement and question you posed was of particular interest to me.

"my happiness is like a magnet that I compare to a bright light for bugs. Because that is what the light I have seems to attract. Somebody extremely annoying that I just want to squash with a flyswatter.

Are we being too egotistical stating this? Do we think we are any better? It's a question I've had to ask myself, and I want to humble myself to not seem as though I am any better... I'm just happy!! "

I think when people are confronted with happiness, love, or grace in another they can have one or more of many reactions to it. In the case of a "bug" or someone who as you said despises what they see in you (the happiness, love, or grace of another), I believe what is happening for them is a fear of facing the barriers to receiving and experiencing love or grace in their own lives. I do not believe most people are consciously trying to beat others down however this action is how their fear of their own existence manifests itself, by beating others down. There are the rare few who do it purposefully, and they are evil of this I have no doubt.

I do not think making the statements you have made are egotistical at all or that you elevate yourself above others to their detriment. Placing boundaries on the behavior one will accept from others, particularly people reacting in a non positive way when exposed to happiness, love, or grace is a necessary and healthy way to be in the world. If we pass nothing else on to our children and peers at least let us pass that on to them, for I believe that is the road less traveled, and it can make all the difference.

You sir do have a light that draws others in, I saw it immediately when I met you earlier this month. The pleasure of our introduction was all mine. Have a great New Year, and I wish you and your family all the best.

Take care.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

Yes, this is what I love about LJ too. That was a wonderful expose of my post. You clearly saw the meaning - and you were able to catch the moment and run farther with it.

Thank you - those were the words that I kept searching for when writing my post, but ah, well... let's call it writer's block. And just perhaps you are just well suited at seeing something for what it is - and taking it to the needed next level.

When I mentioned being stabbed in the back - yeah, I considered those acts deliberate. People I meet for the first time - and the next day they're trying to sabotage me. It's crazy, I know, and many people might not believe me - but it's like I can actual feel what they are feeling and thinking.

Of course, when people dislike someone or something so much - it's not too difficult to notice. Are they evil? I think they have some darkness in them, but I have such a bright light because I came from the pit of hell myself. If they want to see a dark side - they just need ask and I can bring them their own worst nightmares.

But I don't do that. I don't like being that way. It was once a way to survive - but that world is long gone. Thank goodness.

Thanks for the good review. It's nice to know we can pass on that happiness, grace, and love to our peers and friends. And thank you sir, for the compliment. Your light too does shine very bright - however, I think unlike myself - you can choose when to turn it on or off. Mine does not come with a light switch. But then again... my light needs to always shine - I'm truly afraid of the dark!

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

"Your light too does shine very bright - however, I think unlike myself - you can choose when to turn it on or off. Mine does not come with a light switch. But then again... my light needs to always shine - I'm truly afraid of the dark!"

Thank you, that is an astute observation of me and a complimentary analogy; however may I suggest that rather than it being a light switch for me it is that I am perhaps opposite of you and am afraid of the “light”. By this I mean it takes a tremendous amount of energy and will to emit the kind of “light” which produces the positive attraction we have been discussing here. I dabble with it this is true enough but at times I find myself not willing or capable of truly making the effort; Then our ever present friend entropy enters the picture, and over time as you well know entropies job is the decay of order. In the case of this discussion order is the energy and will we put into our relationships in opposition to stagnation and decay. Neither path is an easy one; however choosing to exert the energy against entropy is likely why we exist. My goal is to become afraid of the dark as well, it is the noblest path.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

I've been really putting some thought into what you said. And depending on the amount of entropy involved - it takes a great expenditure of energy to resist what nature whats to seek out as a regular balance.

I've seen people burn so much energy - pushing against the tide... and going nowhere.

One needs to harness all their energy, power, and focus those into the thoughts needed to find their own way across the universe.

I know it's ok to spend some energy going down one road - trying to reach the final destination. However, if one discovers they've taken the wrong road (journey), there is always a byway to get back onto the main highway of life and keep going in the needed direction. And not all wrong roads are a waste of energy. For as much as one takes a side road away from the main highway, at least they made some distance toward their goal. They just need simply to take a back road that leads them back to where they need to be. The journey is therefore not wasted - but new roads are discovered in the process, and who knows? Maybe the wrong road might just turn out to be a secret shortcut? I know there are plenty around here that nobody knows about. We travel them because there is less traffic involved - therefore, we don't burn as much energy by taking the main road - but we still get to our destination more quickly and with better efficiency.

As for turning on the light - yeah, well... I've had my light go out and I've seen the darkness. It's frightening for me, my family, and friends. So, I need my light to be a constant beacon not only for myself, but for those who love me - I'm a lighthouse guarding against dangerous reefs that might wreck their own ship during their own journey. It makes me feel good to be such a beacon. And, for my own good - I need to keep the light on... for without a light to guide us, the darkness becomes chaos - and that is a dangerous place to find oneself... lost in darkness.

Thank goodness for our other friends who also have the beacon turned on. It guides me as I guide them. At least - I hope they see it that way.

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

As I read & re-read what you have said here one word keeps coming into my mind.

Optimism

I think the gauge of a persons character is how one manages assaults to the natural optimism humans are endowed with.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

That is a good word. It speaks volumes about ones character - and persona.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

oh - and a Happy New Year to you and yours!!