ehowton: (Default)
ehowton ([personal profile] ehowton) wrote2007-11-05 03:12 am
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"We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything; coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine [Scotch] whisky."
-- W.C. Fields


I have two visitors coming over the next couple of months, and I'm very excited to see them both. Though both are able to co-exist collectively (we all did fine in Saint Louis) separately one requires much more attention (at least in preparation) than the other, and the activities I'm trying to plan vary wildly on opposite sides of the pendulum.

Both will require transportation from the airport. As these people are unaware of Dallas traffic, they'll both likely be screaming in the passenger seat of my car (think [livejournal.com profile] danzigfried's first visit). I drive as if I were piloting the Knight Bus in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and traffic in the Metroplex is equally as forgiving. That being said, when one visitor arrives she has no requirements outside of transportation from said terminal to our domicile. As it will be later in the evening, her transportation is already set. I see no problems or issues arising from it. The other, however, requires the the vehicle be at exactly 71-degrees and that a measure of single-malt Scotch be awaiting him in the passenger cabin upon his entrance into the vehicle. Though with my first guest there will be much chattering and catching up during the half-hour drive, my other guest prefers silence until exactly 15-minutes into my drive. He's very precise, you see. Needs his time to "unwind."

While both guests and I have plenty of catching up to do, the care and feeding of one is going to be much more simplistic than the other. Both will be sleeping in the kids room's during their visit, but one demands 600-thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets. Our first breakfast will be lots of fun for both visitors, and though the menu of one visitor is not set, she'll no doubt enjoy whatever morning feast we serve, while the other requires a single slice of dry rye toast, and a single egg over-easy and 8-ounces of coffee at exactly 112-degrees Fahrenheit.

Even though I haven't seen either of these visitors in several months, it will be like we were never apart once they arrive. I am notorious for picking right up where we left off and having a really good time. That is, once I get the list of pre-approved conversations from my more *ahem* structured guest. My wife has events planned and sites to see with our first visitor - I'll be lucky to be able to tag along a couple of days into the visit. The other guest is bringing his own agenda. I'm waiting in eager anticipation to see if I'll be asked to accompany him.

With our first visitor, my wife has picked up a couple of bottles of wine and fun things like "chocolate tequila." She is so much fun and so easy-going I anticipate a great time all around. My other visitor is like Madam Maxine's flying horses from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - he only drinks single-malt whisky, so I've been feverishly stockpiling Scotch. No matter how much I have, I'm afraid it won't be enough. He requires a dram an hour. You've heard of a mean drunk? My second visitor only gets angry if he doesn't drink!

I'm very excited to see both my friends.

We're hosting a large block-party for the first visitor - she already engages in conversation with the locals of Anna, and I have people coming from all over the Metroplex to meet her. My other friend, well, not only are his arrival dates and times kept until the most strict of confidences, I've agreed we're not to leave the house except under the cover of darkness, and to avoid as much human contact as possible. He's written a backstory I've memorized to explain his presence here in Texas.

Either way, how much fun can a person have?

I rock.



Who loves ya?

[identity profile] photogoot.livejournal.com 2007-11-09 03:28 am (UTC)(link)
I find that the gentle pressure of a well knotted tie is akin to the familiar pressure of a mothers arms wrapped around a napping child. I would say that I need both my Tie and Time to unwind.

[identity profile] ehowton.livejournal.com 2007-11-09 03:29 am (UTC)(link)
Time and tie wait for no man.

[identity profile] schpydurx.livejournal.com 2007-11-09 03:33 am (UTC)(link)
Believe it or not, it took me many times of re-reading that sentence to catch the typo. I thought that Eric meant to write something along the linse of "he needs time to let his tie unwind" as some kind of euphanism to mean that you needed a moment to contemplate your journey and also study the situation that you have just come into. The mental picture I had was someone studying the first move of his opponent whilst playing a game of chess.

[identity profile] ehowton.livejournal.com 2007-11-09 03:38 am (UTC)(link)
We often do sit and study the nuances of each other. Its a great pastime.

[identity profile] photogoot.livejournal.com 2007-11-09 03:45 am (UTC)(link)
Hey, I don't mean to be the one who awakens you from your slumber but I will offer this possibly startling to you observation. Your obsessive searching for typos and any slight miss statement of secondary facts is in actuallity anal retentive behavior. I would like to offer this definition of anal retentive to you.

Anal Retentive - a person with such attention to detail that the obsession becomes an annoyance to others, and can be carried out to the detriment of the so-called anal-retentive person.

sound familiar? look in the mirror dear Thomas... there is a sphincter in a hat staring back at you. ;-)

[identity profile] ehowton.livejournal.com 2007-11-09 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
I think he was confused about my typographical error insofar that he usually associates ties with auto-asphyxiation.

[identity profile] schpydurx.livejournal.com 2007-11-10 03:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Cute.

[identity profile] schpydurx.livejournal.com 2007-11-10 03:12 pm (UTC)(link)
In an attempt to prove your point, I should point out that the name is sans "h".

[identity profile] photogoot.livejournal.com 2007-11-10 10:33 pm (UTC)(link)
During the build up to the 1st Gulf War to liberate Kuwait from the Iraqi Army the first President Bush intentionally mispronounced Saddam Husein's name to get under his skin and show disrespect.

Good evening Thomas. ;-)

[identity profile] schpydurx.livejournal.com 2007-11-10 11:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Our fate is set, we shall meet soon; methinks one of us shall rue the day :-)

[identity profile] photogoot.livejournal.com 2007-11-11 12:38 am (UTC)(link)
I have never rue'd a day.... ever!

Now... If you indeed do spend your life savings for a bus ticket to Dallas, you and I will need to have a discussion before the party. we will discuss manners, appropriate touching (i.e. there is none), and above all about not interrupting when the grown ups are talking.

[identity profile] schpydurx.livejournal.com 2007-11-11 06:30 am (UTC)(link)
I'm relegated to the kiddie table. Oh noes!