Stockpile

[ehowton]

"We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything; coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine [Scotch] whisky."
-- W.C. Fields

I have two visitors coming over the next couple of months, and I'm very excited to see them both. Though both are able to co-exist collectively (we all did fine in Saint Louis) separately one requires much more attention (at least in preparation) than the other, and the activities I'm trying to plan vary wildly on opposite sides of the pendulum.

Both will require transportation from the airport. As these people are unaware of Dallas traffic, they'll both likely be screaming in the passenger seat of my car (think danzigfried's first visit). I drive as if I were piloting the Knight Bus in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and traffic in the Metroplex is equally as forgiving. That being said, when one visitor arrives she has no requirements outside of transportation from said terminal to our domicile. As it will be later in the evening, her transportation is already set. I see no problems or issues arising from it. The other, however, requires the the vehicle be at exactly 71-degrees and that a measure of single-malt Scotch be awaiting him in the passenger cabin upon his entrance into the vehicle. Though with my first guest there will be much chattering and catching up during the half-hour drive, my other guest prefers silence until exactly 15-minutes into my drive. He's very precise, you see. Needs his time to "unwind."

While both guests and I have plenty of catching up to do, the care and feeding of one is going to be much more simplistic than the other. Both will be sleeping in the kids room's during their visit, but one demands 600-thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets. Our first breakfast will be lots of fun for both visitors, and though the menu of one visitor is not set, she'll no doubt enjoy whatever morning feast we serve, while the other requires a single slice of dry rye toast, and a single egg over-easy and 8-ounces of coffee at exactly 112-degrees Fahrenheit.

Even though I haven't seen either of these visitors in several months, it will be like we were never apart once they arrive. I am notorious for picking right up where we left off and having a really good time. That is, once I get the list of pre-approved conversations from my more *ahem* structured guest. My wife has events planned and sites to see with our first visitor - I'll be lucky to be able to tag along a couple of days into the visit. The other guest is bringing his own agenda. I'm waiting in eager anticipation to see if I'll be asked to accompany him.

With our first visitor, my wife has picked up a couple of bottles of wine and fun things like "chocolate tequila." She is so much fun and so easy-going I anticipate a great time all around. My other visitor is like Madam Maxine's flying horses from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - he only drinks single-malt whisky, so I've been feverishly stockpiling Scotch. No matter how much I have, I'm afraid it won't be enough. He requires a dram an hour. You've heard of a mean drunk? My second visitor only gets angry if he doesn't drink!

I'm very excited to see both my friends.

We're hosting a large block-party for the first visitor - she already engages in conversation with the locals of Anna, and I have people coming from all over the Metroplex to meet her. My other friend, well, not only are his arrival dates and times kept until the most strict of confidences, I've agreed we're not to leave the house except under the cover of darkness, and to avoid as much human contact as possible. He's written a backstory I've memorized to explain his presence here in Texas.

Either way, how much fun can a person have?

I rock.

Who loves ya?

Comments

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

Is that a stock photo or are all of those bottles sitting on your counter?

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

They're sitting on my counter. To see the shot of them out of the boxes, check out http://www.wilddamntexan.com/kids/scotch_bottles.jpg

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

nice.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Just seeing the picture makes me weak in the knees.

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

Rather then looking at my avatar?

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Your avatar would benefit from from cropping. And no, I'd rather have the Scotch, thank you. One of the benefits of being out of my 20's is I'm not always out chasing tail.

A good Scotch & a cigar with my wife is all I need.

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

You don't chase tail because you've got it. Furthermore, I don't chase either; it's too tiring and futile.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Ever heard of a one night stand?

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

That's a fantASStic response!

[jaceman.livejournal.com]

I suppose one of the benefits to being married and in my 20s is that I don't need to "chase" tail, but I'm not old enough to think that tail places second to scotch yet either.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

To each thing there is a cycle.

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

Your avatar would benefit from from cropping.
I agree: Rachel Ray would benefit from a good cropping.

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

Sitting here thinking about all the things I left out of my post, I realized that I can uphold my promise of having that bottle of Monocalvina Coppo with you and yours in Texas!

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

I don't know what that means, but ok!

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

I've told you about the bottle of wine that I had saved for when melancthe came to visit me; alas, since that seems like it's not going to happen in this lifetime, I was saving it for my trip to Texas. And that time has finally come.



This is a desert wine; a white wine. I think you mentioned that your wife would like it, but I have a feeling that you professional alcoholics might have a thing or two to say. Still, this is my version of killing the fatted calf. Enjoy!

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you could talk her into coming as well?

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

On such short notice given that we aren't even on speaking terms? I think I'd sooner make my $250 movie between now and our visit.

Here's an idea: you ask her.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

I already did: (http://ehowton.livejournal.com/158429.html)

BYOB GATHERING at my new house, featuring The Anna Tribal Council and all those on my LJ Friends List. IF YOU CAN READ THIS AND FALL INTO ONE OF THOSE TWO CATEGORIES YOU'RE INVITED!

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

OOPS!

If your invitation has already been ignored, why do you think my supplication will do any good?

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

I meant to say $250 million, but I suppose one is just as accurate as the other in this case.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Quite.

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

In the words of ehowton, Go fuck yourself.