Trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected; Success results in feelings of security, trust, and optimism.
Expected? Yikes indeed! Even well-adjusted individuals can fall into the expectation trap if not careful. This almost always plays out with the false assumption that everyone with whom we hold some affiliation is exactly like us. Yes, written out like that it sounds ridiculous, because we logically understand that people have had a different set of experiences in life and even if they profess the same general values, how this manifests behaviorally at times will be different ~ because of those different experiences in life. But the false assumption of "like us" tends to be an emotional judgment not a rational one.
My dad always said, "You can trust everyone. You trust them to be who they are ~ not who you expect them to be."
Why the disconnect between logic and emotion on this issue?
Fundamentally, it has to do with egocentrism. Emotionally, many tend to view themselves as the center of the universe. Not that they are aware of it. However being able to see everyone as an individual whose thoughts and feelings have validity equal to our own is a far more abstract realization. It takes much work ~ conscious thought, mindfulness if you will ~ to bring that rather abstract idea into one's emotional reality.
How this plays out in the issue of trust is that those who are prone to emotional egocentrism tend to view other people within the context of who that person is to them. What niche they fill in their lives. They do not see themselves or other people as fully separate individuals in which their individual lives are at times intertwined. They see themselves first, and then how everything and everyone relates them. Other people become part of their group that they label "us." And it is that label that leads to the false assumption that those with whom they affiliate are exactly like them and going to always behave as they would.
Unfortunately, this is a distortion of reality, and while it may work well for awhile, it almost always comes back to bite. This "us" feeling of trust can often be the most rigid, demanding that all members maintain the same thoughts and feelings, viewing slight variations with suspicion, and feeling that a small difference of opinion is a full blown argument.
no subject
Expected? Yikes indeed! Even well-adjusted individuals can fall into the expectation trap if not careful. This almost always plays out with the false assumption that everyone with whom we hold some affiliation is exactly like us. Yes, written out like that it sounds ridiculous, because we logically understand that people have had a different set of experiences in life and even if they profess the same general values, how this manifests behaviorally at times will be different ~ because of those different experiences in life. But the false assumption of "like us" tends to be an emotional judgment not a rational one.
My dad always said, "You can trust everyone. You trust them to be who they are ~ not who you expect them to be."
Why the disconnect between logic and emotion on this issue?
Fundamentally, it has to do with egocentrism. Emotionally, many tend to view themselves as the center of the universe. Not that they are aware of it. However being able to see everyone as an individual whose thoughts and feelings have validity equal to our own is a far more abstract realization. It takes much work ~ conscious thought, mindfulness if you will ~ to bring that rather abstract idea into one's emotional reality.
How this plays out in the issue of trust is that those who are prone to emotional egocentrism tend to view other people within the context of who that person is to them. What niche they fill in their lives. They do not see themselves or other people as fully separate individuals in which their individual lives are at times intertwined. They see themselves first, and then how everything and everyone relates them. Other people become part of their group that they label "us." And it is that label that leads to the false assumption that those with whom they affiliate are exactly like them and going to always behave as they would.
Unfortunately, this is a distortion of reality, and while it may work well for awhile, it almost always comes back to bite. This "us" feeling of trust can often be the most rigid, demanding that all members maintain the same thoughts and feelings, viewing slight variations with suspicion, and feeling that a small difference of opinion is a full blown argument.
Tough way to live.