Attachment. I suspect when most people read that one should rid himself of attachments, they assume this means that you should not love others. This is an incorrect interpretation. Buddhists do not mean we should not love others. It means that we should be complete as individuals and not rely on things or others to make us feel complete.
The weird side of this is that romantic love in western society promotes the exact opposite idea ~ that we will not be complete until we find our one true love. It starts with our children's fairy tales. Cinderella is rescued by a prince. So is Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. GAG! It inadvertently promotes the idea of dependency.
So the prince stands alone and the princess is totally dependent.
This jives with interdependence psychologist David Schnarch (the subject of Pamela Weintraub's article in PT) who likens dependency in relationships to the emotional security an adult would provide an infant.
While we expect an infant to dependent, we do not expect fellow adults to rely on us for sense of security. When this occurs the relationship becomes decidedly unequal. The person who is the source of security is not allowed to waver, the expectation being that s/he must be available 24/7 to be that bastion. The source is not allowed to be too tired, too down, too preoccupied because this causes insecurity in the dependent person. Even being sick is looked at as a major inconvenience to the dependent person. Often there is no compassion, and instead the dependent person may blame the source of security for being sick. "If you just hadn't worked too hard...," or "If you just hadn't run yourself down...," or "Why did you feel it necessary to help the neighbor? You knew she was sick..."
The source never receives reassurance back, and over time may begin to feel used.
no subject
The weird side of this is that romantic love in western society promotes the exact opposite idea ~ that we will not be complete until we find our one true love. It starts with our children's fairy tales. Cinderella is rescued by a prince. So is Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. GAG! It inadvertently promotes the idea of dependency.
So the prince stands alone and the princess is totally dependent.
This jives with interdependence psychologist David Schnarch (the subject of Pamela Weintraub's article in PT) who likens dependency in relationships to the emotional security an adult would provide an infant.
While we expect an infant to dependent, we do not expect fellow adults to rely on us for sense of security. When this occurs the relationship becomes decidedly unequal. The person who is the source of security is not allowed to waver, the expectation being that s/he must be available 24/7 to be that bastion. The source is not allowed to be too tired, too down, too preoccupied because this causes insecurity in the dependent person. Even being sick is looked at as a major inconvenience to the dependent person. Often there is no compassion, and instead the dependent person may blame the source of security for being sick. "If you just hadn't worked too hard...," or "If you just hadn't run yourself down...," or "Why did you feel it necessary to help the neighbor? You knew she was sick..."
The source never receives reassurance back, and over time may begin to feel used.